Posts Tagged ‘Translink’

Tales from the Transit Line

Fashion File from the Morning Commute:

It may or may not have been a good night for this particular morning commuter, who either partied his shirt off or lost it, when he pried himself from a ‘trap’ upon waking.

Still, he manages to pull off the Slash-look, easily, even in spite of his state of consciousness.

The jungle apparently brought him to his kn-n-n-n-nees.


Tales from the Transit Line

Fashion Files from the Evening Commute:

With TransLink’s record of delays this past year, it only makes sense to have a back-up plan.

And, if it looks better than a Car2Go when you wear it, why not.


Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Morning Commute:

Commuters on the Millenium Line broke a world record this morning.

Two separate straphangers in one SkyTrain car apologized for two unconnected commuting etiquette infractions.

Slumped in his seat, a bearded man in a baseball cap and hoodie, stretched out the kinks leftover from slumber, a state, it appeared, he had only recently left.

One of his legs shot out under the seat in front of him and he kicked a fellow passenger.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, sleepily.

Only moments later, just a few rows away, a 30-something, presumably on her way to work, got up at a stop and stepped in front of another commuter in the process of disembarking from the busy train car.

Sluggishly recognizing her slight, in an obviously pre-caffeine haze, she said “sorry,” and paused to let the other person pass.

A witness is expected to submit a record application to the Guinness Book of World Records.

Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Evening Commute:

Nine out of 10 male TransLink transit police officers are single, according to recent study.

The first annual Valentine’s Day survey revealed the majority of transit officers were busy expressing their sexual frustration by harassing commuters, instead of spreading the love on this special day.

Researchers admit, however, the survey results may be somewhat inconclusive and could also mean the discovery of a new pick-up line: “Show me your pass.”


Tales from the Transit Line

Curse from the Morning Commute:

If you decide to spit while walking in a crowd of people – may a flock of seagulls fly over you while releasing a shower of their shit.


Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Morning Commute:

If you just can’t get enough of that old train car smell or the back of the bus stench on a hot day – you are in luck.

Translink is rumored to soon be releasing a line of scents for the commuter and the cologne connoisseur, alike.

Featured fragrances are rumored to include, aroma body odeur, eau de farts, and the highly anticipated essence de garlic sausage.

Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Morning Commute:

What was once a few small steps for commuters, has lead to one giant leap for Translink.

The BC transportation authority has accepted an RFP from The Man in the Moon contracting firm to fix the up escalator at the Commercial-Broadway SkyTrain station.

The fixture has been out of order since May. When asked via Twitter by a TFTTL reporter why it was taking so long to fix it, a Translink spokesperson noted they were waiting for parts to arrive.

Since the average distance from Earth to the Moon is 384,400 km (238,900 mi), it is expected the escalator will be fixed by Christmas – that is, according to our calculations.


Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Morning Commute:

Today is the annual Translink Clean the Stairwell at Brentwood Station Day, either that or someone puked all over it last night – it was pub night at SFU, after all.

To celebrate, it is being recommended that commuters put their trash and puke in the bin today [tonight].

Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Evening Commute:

Researchers have discovered a new way to tell if a woman is pregnant, according to two Translink commuters.

“How did you know,” asked the first expert, surprised by the news that a mutual friend was expecting.

“I know she has a personal trainer,” replied her conspiratorial colleague, “so when I saw she was gaining weight, I just knew.”

Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Morning Commute:

An enterprising young commuter on the Millennium Line, this morning, has proved that if one sits and twists a Rubik’s Cube in different directions for 18 minutes, without looking at it, absolutely nothing will happen.

In unrelated news, we would like to wish all of our loyal readers and critics, a very happy New Year!