Posts Tagged ‘Commuters’

Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Morning Commute:

Cervical specimens are cut from cervixes, reports one very young commuter this morning.

“I was looking at slides of cervical cancer specimens,” he told his traveling companion.

“It’s cool, because they cut pieces off the cervix and we look at them.”

Unmoved by this revelation, his comrade asked if the boy was marking his school’s science fair this year.

“Ya, I’m marking science fair this year,” said the first commuter.

“Give Matthew Lau a good mark,” said his friend, “he’s a good guy.”

“That’s not really how it works,” the first boy noted.

“Yeah it is,” the second stated.

Both teens later confirmed they are currently “solo” or without girlfriends.

Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Morning Commute:

Today is the annual Translink Clean the Stairwell at Brentwood Station Day, either that or someone puked all over it last night – it was pub night at SFU, after all.

To celebrate, it is being recommended that commuters put their trash and puke in the bin today [tonight].

Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Evening Commute

Good news for anyone hoping to eliminate their debt in 2013.

Liquid gold is now being accepted by creditors. Oil? No, tears.

According to a SkyTrain passenger tonight, a woman ‘ate’ a $300 debt owed to her by a man because “he cried.”

 

Tales from the Transit Line

Weather Advisory from the Evening Commute:

A cold westerly wind blowing in off the Pacific Ocean is forcing heavy rains to fall sideways this evening.

Commuters who have long walks between transit stations are advised to take a taxi.

And now, a message from our [not really] sponsors:

http://www.boredpanda.com/cool-and-creative-umbrellas/

Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Evening Commute:

Contrary to popular drunk-dialer/texter belief, it’s uncool to be a fool in love with an ex while intoxicated.

“It’s so immature,” said one female commuter about affairs of the alcoholic heart.

“I never think about my ex-boyfriend,” she added, “especially when I’m drunk.”

Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Evening Commute:

SkyTrain cars are the ideal backdrop for photo shoots, according to three dapper commuters.

[Click] “OK, it’s on my Instagram,” said the one in the red jacket wearing matching lipstick, after capturing an image of the other two.

“Profile pic!” chimed his friends.

Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Morning Commute:

An enterprising young commuter on the Millennium Line, this morning, has proved that if one sits and twists a Rubik’s Cube in different directions for 18 minutes, without looking at it, absolutely nothing will happen.

In unrelated news, we would like to wish all of our loyal readers and critics, a very happy New Year!

Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Morning Commute:

A woman’s animal instincts kicked in this morning, as she marked her territory in a Translink train car.

The woman splashed kisses and rubbed herself all over a pigeon-toed man wearing women’s jeans and a black leather jacket.

“It was all very unnecessary,” reported our on-scene correspondent, who now, incidentally, is seeking treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder.

Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Morning Commute:

Breaking News!

It snowed and the Greater Vancouver Area is being evacuated via public transit.

Wait! We are receiving an emergency transmission from our correspondent on the line . . .

Oh . . . Correction, it’s just rush hour and there are only four cars per train . . .

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Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Evening Commute:

Although it has long been a recognized snack meat, a recent study reveals that one should never have a nibble (or a gobble) of garlic sausage before taking public transit.

Doing so has been found to be hazardous to the health of fellow commuters.