Tales from the Transit Line
Curse from the Evening Commute:
To the young, able-bodied man who snuck his way into the last seat on the train and then promptly stared at his phone, while a pregnant woman stood in front of him – may you trip upon disembarking, on your undone shoelace, sending your iPhone 6 Plus sailing into the air, landing squarely on the track, where it is then promptly run over by the next train – your iPhone, that is . . .
Tales from the Transit Line
Fashion File from the Morning Commute:
Just because you dress fast, doesn’t mean you are.
This morning commuter got off the SkyTrain sporting his workout attire, although, Nike Shox, track suit, Air Jordan baseball cap, and Puma duffle bag – do not an athlete make.
An early smoke, however, will most certainly slow your roll.
Tales from the Transit Line
Report from the Evening Commute:
A young man, riding the rails with a couple of friends this afternoon, confessed why a girl was caught grasping his penis.
“It was either you guys all see my junk or I stick it in Taylor’s hand,” he explained, seriously shy.
In possibly related news, the group of guys also discussed the issue of animal cruelty.
“You never hurt an animal,” said the modest man, “unless it’s a beautiful little kitten, then you hang it with a tie.”
Tales from the Transit Line
Report from the Evening Commute:
A man tried to catch up with his girlfriend during their evening commute, while talking about a little of this and a little of that.
“How come you’re so quiet?”
“Did you miss me?”
“Was I squishing you last night,” he asked her in between smothering kisses.
She murmured her responses, moodily.
He changed the subject to try and cheer her up.
“I played a game today, you should play. I played it all day at work,” he said.
“It’s called Depression Quest.”
The girl looked away, absently.
“It’s about this depressed person who has to make decisions,” he tried to explain.
“And I didn’t die, so … ,” it was clear he’d lost her, but he wasn’t about to give up.
“You know you start school on Monday, hey?” he said, referencing the expected end to recent job action by British Columbia public school teachers, that has left provincial elementary schools and high schools closed since June.
His gal smushed up her face, even more dismayed, it appeared, at the prospect of going back to class.
Sensing some distress, the man then offered to take the girl in, “you could move into my apartment and live with me for free,” he offered, hurriedly, before the two carried on in hushed tones, interrupted only by the smacking of lips.
Tales from the Transit Line
Report from the Evening Commute:
If you learn French, “any government job you want, you got,” said a commuter who seemed proficient in a wide range of fields.
Hypothyroidism, is very high in the Asian population, he added, noting 70 per cent of Asian women get it when they have a baby.
A proud hubby, the man also noted his wife recently got into ‘coast guard school’ on the East Coast, where he has since bought a farm, upon selling his Vancouver condo.
While showing strangers a photo of his bride on his cellphone, he explained that he had both kneecaps torn off in a motorcycle accident.
When he dies, this Renaissance commuter said his tombstone will say, simply: “He lived.”
Tales from the Transit Line
Fashion File from the Evening Commute:
Destination – not unknown?
Although the Millennium Line doesn’t go to the border, this commuter appears to be on his way to an American Independence Day celebration.
Fireworks are sure to go off if this gentleman and his festive get-up get across the line.
And with that, we wish a happy Fourth of July to our fellow commuters south of the 49th parallel!
Tales from the Transit Line
Fashion File from the Morning Commute:
Although the rain clouds are hiding the sun and it’s wet, commuters are shedding their drab winter wardrobes for more sexy spring attire.
Just as fitting for wearing in the morning, though, the jean jacket with the mantra: “Drink coffee and destroy” ironed on the back, paired with mismatched socks, one of which is inside out, screams 2014 urban rebel – rain or shine.
Tales from the Transit Line
Fashion File from the Morning Commute:
Cannibal clothes were spotted on a Vancouver-bound SkyTrain this morning.
The gnarly tights were paired appropriately with moccasins and a misspelled finger tattoo.
But, hey, whatever, you’ve got to be ‘craz’ to wear leggings that want to eat someone, anyways.
Tales from the Transit Line
Report from the Morning Commute:
Commuters on the Millenium Line broke a world record this morning.
Two separate straphangers in one SkyTrain car apologized for two unconnected commuting etiquette infractions.
Slumped in his seat, a bearded man in a baseball cap and hoodie, stretched out the kinks leftover from slumber, a state, it appeared, he had only recently left.
One of his legs shot out under the seat in front of him and he kicked a fellow passenger.
“Sorry,” he mumbled, sleepily.
Only moments later, just a few rows away, a 30-something, presumably on her way to work, got up at a stop and stepped in front of another commuter in the process of disembarking from the busy train car.
Sluggishly recognizing her slight, in an obviously pre-caffeine haze, she said “sorry,” and paused to let the other person pass.
A witness is expected to submit a record application to the Guinness Book of World Records.
Tales from the Transit Line
Report from the Evening Commute:
Nine out of 10 male TransLink transit police officers are single, according to recent study.
The first annual Valentine’s Day survey revealed the majority of transit officers were busy expressing their sexual frustration by harassing commuters, instead of spreading the love on this special day.
Researchers admit, however, the survey results may be somewhat inconclusive and could also mean the discovery of a new pick-up line: “Show me your pass.”
#nowonderyouresingle
Tales from the Transit Line 