Posts Tagged ‘transit’

Tales from the Transit Line

Curse from the Evening Commute:

To the young, able-bodied man who snuck his way into the last seat on the train and then promptly stared at his phone, while a pregnant woman stood in front of him – may you trip upon disembarking, on your undone shoelace, sending your iPhone 6 Plus sailing into the air, landing squarely on the track, where it is then promptly run over by the next train – your iPhone, that is . . .

Tales from the Transit Line

Fashion Files from the Evening Commute:

With TransLink’s record of delays this past year, it only makes sense to have a back-up plan.

And, if it looks better than a Car2Go when you wear it, why not.


Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Evening Commute:

A man tried to catch up with his girlfriend during their evening commute, while talking about a little of this and a little of that.

“How come you’re so quiet?”

“Did you miss me?”

“Was I squishing you last night,” he asked her in between smothering kisses.

She murmured her responses, moodily.

He changed the subject to try and cheer her up.

“I played a game today, you should play. I played it all day at work,” he said.

“It’s called Depression Quest.”

The girl looked away, absently.

“It’s about this depressed person who has to make decisions,” he tried to explain.

“And I didn’t die, so … ,” it was clear he’d lost her, but he wasn’t about to give up.

“You know you start school on Monday, hey?” he said, referencing the expected end to recent job action by British Columbia public school teachers, that has left provincial elementary schools and high schools closed since June.

His gal smushed up her face, even more dismayed, it appeared, at the prospect of going back to class.

Sensing some distress, the man then offered to take the girl in, “you could move into my apartment and live with me for free,” he offered, hurriedly, before the two carried on in hushed tones, interrupted only by the smacking of lips.

Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Evening Commute:

If you learn French, “any government job you want, you got,” said a commuter who seemed proficient in a wide range of fields.

Hypothyroidism, is very high in the Asian population, he added, noting 70 per cent of Asian women get it when they have a baby.

A proud hubby, the man also noted his wife recently got into ‘coast guard school’ on the East Coast, where he has since bought a farm, upon selling his Vancouver condo.

While showing strangers a photo of his bride on his cellphone, he explained that he had both kneecaps torn off in a motorcycle accident.

When he dies, this Renaissance commuter said his tombstone will say, simply: “He lived.”

Tales from the Transit Line

Deep Thoughts from the Morning Commute:

Taxi drivers are like hair dressers.

You hire them to do a very specific job, but then they start asking you how you want them to do that job, and you’re all: ‘I don’t know man, you’re the expert, figure it out.’

Postscript: My driver’s bad breath mixed with his – yes his – perfume – yes perfume – is making me car sick.


Tales from the Transit Line

Blessing from the Morning Commute:

On a cold, rainy day, may you always get a seat next to the heater, while you ride the bus. And may it not get turned off halfway through your commute.



Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Evening Commute:

Nine out of 10 male TransLink transit police officers are single, according to recent study.

The first annual Valentine’s Day survey revealed the majority of transit officers were busy expressing their sexual frustration by harassing commuters, instead of spreading the love on this special day.

Researchers admit, however, the survey results may be somewhat inconclusive and could also mean the discovery of a new pick-up line: “Show me your pass.”


Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Evening Commute:

According to a discerning consumer/commuter, you can’t do all of your grocery shopping at Costco.  

“Their bananas are good, but their avocados suck.”  

You can purchase water there too, but it’s better to get it at Save-On Foods, said the 28-year-old thirsty traveller.  

“We had tap water growing up,” he noted, “but now my parents have splurged and I buy my own [too].” 

Tales from the Transit Line

Curse from the Morning Commute:

If you decide to spit while walking in a crowd of people – may a flock of seagulls fly over you while releasing a shower of their shit.


Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Evening Commute:

A discussion about superpowers on the Millenium Line between a young couple turned into a debate about immortality tonight.

“I would rather be rich,” said the girlfriend, emphatically noting that it would be difficult to be left behind by non-immortal loved ones.

“I’d be immortal,” retorted the boyfriend, unequivocally.

“But what about losing someone you loved?” his lady responded with a hint of sadness.

“I would just find someone new to love,” the gentleman commuter declared.

“But you’d still have your memories … Like Wolverine!” the dame protested.

“Ya, I guess …” said the man.