Archive for the ‘Report from the Morning Commute’ Category

Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Morning Commute:

Ten minutes into their first date, they both should have known it wasn’t going to work.

“He said to me: ‘Relax, princess,'” reported the scorned girl. “So I gave him a backhand to the face,” she added, demonstrating awkwardly for her two confidants.

Still, she made plans to see him again, coordinating the rendezvous via text, until she discovered she was texting with her potential boyfriend’s brother and not the bachelor himself.

“How would I know who I am talking to? I can’t see him,” she asked, rhetorically.

“What a weirdo,” one friend noted, supportively.

But the determined bride-to-maybe-someday-be eventually got the prankster’s actual number, and attempted to get to know him better.

While “bickering playfully,” however, he announced he didn’t like her personality and declared that they wouldn’t see each other again.

She responded with tears and he, again, proclaimed that she should “relax.”

Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Morning Commute:

Commuters on the Millenium Line broke a world record this morning.

Two separate straphangers in one SkyTrain car apologized for two unconnected commuting etiquette infractions.

Slumped in his seat, a bearded man in a baseball cap and hoodie, stretched out the kinks leftover from slumber, a state, it appeared, he had only recently left.

One of his legs shot out under the seat in front of him and he kicked a fellow passenger.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, sleepily.

Only moments later, just a few rows away, a 30-something, presumably on her way to work, got up at a stop and stepped in front of another commuter in the process of disembarking from the busy train car.

Sluggishly recognizing her slight, in an obviously pre-caffeine haze, she said “sorry,” and paused to let the other person pass.

A witness is expected to submit a record application to the Guinness Book of World Records.

Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Morning Commute:

Cervical specimens are cut from cervixes, reports one very young commuter this morning.

“I was looking at slides of cervical cancer specimens,” he told his traveling companion.

“It’s cool, because they cut pieces off the cervix and we look at them.”

Unmoved by this revelation, his comrade asked if the boy was marking his school’s science fair this year.

“Ya, I’m marking science fair this year,” said the first commuter.

“Give Matthew Lau a good mark,” said his friend, “he’s a good guy.”

“That’s not really how it works,” the first boy noted.

“Yeah it is,” the second stated.

Both teens later confirmed they are currently “solo” or without girlfriends.

Tales from the Transit Line

Curse from the Morning Commute:

If you bring your bike on the train at rush hour and park it in front of your seated self and three empty seats, may you get a flat tire of the next rainy day.

Tales from the Transit Line
Report from the Morning Commute:
A recent poll of two female commuters between the ages of 19 and 20, revealed a general consensus that anytime a person goes for any kind of surgery, they could be “screwed.”
One of the respondents, who’s employer buys her food to keep her at her desk, also noted she declined to attend a friend’s laser eye surgery, because she didn’t want to sit there while they ‘burned’ his eyes.
“That sounds pretty gross,” she said.

Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Morning Commute:

If you just can’t get enough of that old train car smell or the back of the bus stench on a hot day – you are in luck.

Translink is rumored to soon be releasing a line of scents for the commuter and the cologne connoisseur, alike.

Featured fragrances are rumored to include, aroma body odeur, eau de farts, and the highly anticipated essence de garlic sausage.

Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Morning Commute:

What was once a few small steps for commuters, has lead to one giant leap for Translink.

The BC transportation authority has accepted an RFP from The Man in the Moon contracting firm to fix the up escalator at the Commercial-Broadway SkyTrain station.

The fixture has been out of order since May. When asked via Twitter by a TFTTL reporter why it was taking so long to fix it, a Translink spokesperson noted they were waiting for parts to arrive.

Since the average distance from Earth to the Moon is 384,400 km (238,900 mi), it is expected the escalator will be fixed by Christmas – that is, according to our calculations.


Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Morning Commute:

Readers Poll:

Should our on-scene reporter reveal to this brave commuter leaving the Stadium-Chinatown SkyTrain Station, the nearby sidewalk spaces humans use to vacate their bowls in this neighborhood?

Yes or no?


Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Morning Commute:

According to a young commuter’s power of reasoning, he “would have to seriously, seriously fu*k up” to kill himself “and maybe three or four other people,” while driving his car.

“But if the train even slightly fu* ked up,” he said, it would kill all of the hundred-odd people who were riding the transit vehicle with him this morning.

The self-proclaimed University of B.C. student, also noted he hates standing up.

Tales from the Transit Line

Blessing from the Morning Commute:

May the escalator at your transfer station never be broke down – ever, let alone for a week – when the only alternative to reach your platform is three flights of stairs.