Tales from the Transit Line

Blessing from the Morning Commute:

May you never be shorter than the old, overweight, out-of-breath man standing over you, in a crowded train car.

Namaste.

Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Morning Commute:

Cervical specimens are cut from cervixes, reports one very young commuter this morning.

“I was looking at slides of cervical cancer specimens,” he told his traveling companion.

“It’s cool, because they cut pieces off the cervix and we look at them.”

Unmoved by this revelation, his comrade asked if the boy was marking his school’s science fair this year.

“Ya, I’m marking science fair this year,” said the first commuter.

“Give Matthew Lau a good mark,” said his friend, “he’s a good guy.”

“That’s not really how it works,” the first boy noted.

“Yeah it is,” the second stated.

Both teens later confirmed they are currently “solo” or without girlfriends.

Tales from the Transit Line

Curse from the Evening Commute:

If you are the kind of girl who wears stilettos and carries a four-hundred-dollar purse and can’t be bothered to move into the ’empty’ space in a busy train car at rush hour when people try to get by you, I hope a dirty, smelly man decides to push his way onto the train, anyways – right up against you.

Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Evening Commute:

Commuter Chris Lemowski will soon be – it is very likely – the victim of identity theft, since he just announced to a crowded SkyTrain car his full name, phone number, birthday, PIN number and email address, while he loudly set up a payment arrangement for Feb. 1 on his cellphone.

“Sigh,” said a lady sitting two rows away from him.

Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Evening Commute:

On their way to buy a new video game, two commuters who couldn’t possibly have even been born in 1987, excitedly chatted about the remake of a movie made almost three decades ago.

“They’re making a new RoboCop,” said the one who keeps Kraft Dinner in his storage locker. “I’m going to see that. That’s old school,” he added.

“I’ve seen the first one,” said his traveling partner, “it has black guys in it,” he noted, while pointing out a place the two could get “free potatoes and shit.”

Tales from the Transit Line

Fashion Files from the Evening Commute:

Justin Bieber’s got nothing on this guy, who, incidentally, is probably old enough to to be the Bieb’s dad.

“It only works if the top matches,” noted the fashionista, who takes his style cues from Teen Scene, when an elderly lady commented on the lovely lavender shade of his shoes.

From this SkyTrain platform it looks like spring has sprung, in this man’s wardrobe, at least.

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Tales from the Transit Line

Fashion Files from the Evening Commute:

If you are wearing camouflage for its designed purpose of concealment, you should not wear bright red pants with it – unless, of course, you are feeling festive and these are only things in your wardrobe in ‘Christmas’ colors.

#holidayfashion

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Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Evening Commute:

A young commuter on the Millenium Line tonight, better watch out. After taunting his younger companion until she started crying, he observed: “All you’re saying is ‘wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.'”

Then, after pretending he was a dog for a minute, he noted all he wanted for Christmas was his “two front teeth,” which he is certain to be missing when Santa Claus comes to town, if he keeps shouting into his sister’s face.

Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Evening Commute:

According to a discerning consumer/commuter, you can’t do all of your grocery shopping at Costco.  

“Their bananas are good, but their avocados suck.”  

You can purchase water there too, but it’s better to get it at Save-On Foods, said the 28-year-old thirsty traveller.  

“We had tap water growing up,” he noted, “but now my parents have splurged and I buy my own [too].” 

Tales from the Transit Line

Curse from the Morning Commute:

If you decide to spit while walking in a crowd of people – may a flock of seagulls fly over you while releasing a shower of their shit.

#gross