Tales from the Transit Line
Report from the Morning Commute Special Edition:
Deep Thoughts with Kelle Shaunna
I love it when people yell and swear around the SkyTrain station during the morning commute.
It really makes me feel like I’m alive, you know.
Tales from the Transit Line
Report from the Morning Commute:
Today is the annual Translink Clean the Stairwell at Brentwood Station Day, either that or someone puked all over it last night – it was pub night at SFU, after all.
To celebrate, it is being recommended that commuters put their trash and puke in the bin today [tonight].
Tales from the Transit Line
Report from the Morning Commute:
An enterprising young commuter on the Millennium Line, this morning, has proved that if one sits and twists a Rubik’s Cube in different directions for 18 minutes, without looking at it, absolutely nothing will happen.
In unrelated news, we would like to wish all of our loyal readers and critics, a very happy New Year!
Tales from the Transit Line
Report from the Morning Commute:
A woman’s animal instincts kicked in this morning, as she marked her territory in a Translink train car.
The woman splashed kisses and rubbed herself all over a pigeon-toed man wearing women’s jeans and a black leather jacket.
“It was all very unnecessary,” reported our on-scene correspondent, who now, incidentally, is seeking treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder.
Tales from the Transit Line
Report from the Morning Commute:
Breaking News!
It snowed and the Greater Vancouver Area is being evacuated via public transit.
Wait! We are receiving an emergency transmission from our correspondent on the line . . .
Oh . . . Correction, it’s just rush hour and there are only four cars per train . . .
Tales from the Transit Line
Blessing from the Morning Commute:
May you never be on the front line of the transit platform after four full trains have passed by and the mass of impatient commuters that has since gathered behind you, starts to get pushy.
Nameste.
Tales from the Transit Line
Report from the Morning Commute:
Vancouver commuters are still reeling from the threat of a natural disaster today, after a 7.7 magnitude earthquake hit the West Coast off the Haida Gwaii islands on Saturday night.
“Do you think a tsunami could hit SFU [Simon Fraser University],” a young man asked his friend at a mountain-top university bus stop early Monday.
His friend shrugged.
“Well, there are bears here,” the first young man added.
In unrelated news, in case anyone missed this news flash 20 years ago, we are repeating it here, today, as a public service announcement: Wearing half a bottle of CK One is no longer fashionable.
On a related note, brushing your teeth is.
Tales from the Transit Line
Report from the Morning Commute:
This morning a man walked through a crowd of commuters leaving the Stadium-Chinatown SkyTrain station asking: “You people want me to get out of this fu*king city, don’t you?”
Commuters, who are like zombies that have brains, however, did not respond to his loud inquiry.
“No one even blinked,” said our on-scene reporter Kelle Shaunna, noting commuters are used to walking against resistance. “I can tell you, however, that although it appeared we did not notice him, we did, and we were all thinking: ‘Yes, get the fu*k out.'”
The man’s whereabouts are now unknown, but he is believed to be still wandering around downtown asking others the same question.
Tales from the Transit Line
Report from the Morning Commute:
Today is We Day and 20,000 kids will make their way downtown this morning to attend related festivities.
In other news, if you think you’re taking transit downtown this morning – you are not.
Tales from the Transit Line
Report from the Morning Commute:
Special Feature: SkyTrain Etiquette
“There is none.”
With files from Kelle “Get the fu*k out of my way” Shaunna
Tales from the Transit Line 