Tales from the Transit Line
Fashion File from the Morning Commute:
Although the rain clouds are hiding the sun and it’s wet, commuters are shedding their drab winter wardrobes for more sexy spring attire.
Just as fitting for wearing in the morning, though, the jean jacket with the mantra: “Drink coffee and destroy” ironed on the back, paired with mismatched socks, one of which is inside out, screams 2014 urban rebel – rain or shine.
Tales from the Transit Line
Fashion File from the Evening Commute:
If you’re carrying a camouflage Coach man bag, but your dress shirt’s untucked, your loafers are blue with cheetah accents, and your blasting David Bowie’s Modern Love on your iPod, you get a pass for the bag.
Tales from the Transit Line
Fashion File from the Morning Commute:
Cannibal clothes were spotted on a Vancouver-bound SkyTrain this morning.
The gnarly tights were paired appropriately with moccasins and a misspelled finger tattoo.
But, hey, whatever, you’ve got to be ‘craz’ to wear leggings that want to eat someone, anyways.
Tales from the Transit Line
Report from the Morning Commute:
Commuters on the Millenium Line broke a world record this morning.
Two separate straphangers in one SkyTrain car apologized for two unconnected commuting etiquette infractions.
Slumped in his seat, a bearded man in a baseball cap and hoodie, stretched out the kinks leftover from slumber, a state, it appeared, he had only recently left.
One of his legs shot out under the seat in front of him and he kicked a fellow passenger.
“Sorry,” he mumbled, sleepily.
Only moments later, just a few rows away, a 30-something, presumably on her way to work, got up at a stop and stepped in front of another commuter in the process of disembarking from the busy train car.
Sluggishly recognizing her slight, in an obviously pre-caffeine haze, she said “sorry,” and paused to let the other person pass.
A witness is expected to submit a record application to the Guinness Book of World Records.
Tales from the Transit Line
Report from the Evening Commute:
A couple of young ladies taking transit on a Friday afternoon, aren’t expecting a friend to make the junior girls’ national roller derby team.
One of them even admitted her own likely inability to make the team, which does not exist, even though she hadn’t been invited to try out.
“I have a tendency of vastly underestimating my skills,” she told the girl with ‘nice’ eyeshadow.
“Some people do that,” noted the friend.
“No, it’s because I’m a genius,” explained the smart straphanger, knowingly.
Tales from the Transit Line
Report from the Evening Commute:
Nine out of 10 male TransLink transit police officers are single, according to recent study.
The first annual Valentine’s Day survey revealed the majority of transit officers were busy expressing their sexual frustration by harassing commuters, instead of spreading the love on this special day.
Researchers admit, however, the survey results may be somewhat inconclusive and could also mean the discovery of a new pick-up line: “Show me your pass.”
#nowonderyouresingle
Tales from the Transit Line
Blessing from the Morning Commute:
May you never be shorter than the old, overweight, out-of-breath man standing over you, in a crowded train car.
Namaste.
Tales from the Transit Line
Report from the Morning Commute:
Cervical specimens are cut from cervixes, reports one very young commuter this morning.
“I was looking at slides of cervical cancer specimens,” he told his traveling companion.
“It’s cool, because they cut pieces off the cervix and we look at them.”
Unmoved by this revelation, his comrade asked if the boy was marking his school’s science fair this year.
“Ya, I’m marking science fair this year,” said the first commuter.
“Give Matthew Lau a good mark,” said his friend, “he’s a good guy.”
“That’s not really how it works,” the first boy noted.
“Yeah it is,” the second stated.
Both teens later confirmed they are currently “solo” or without girlfriends.
Tales from the Transit Line
Curse from the Evening Commute:
If you are the kind of girl who wears stilettos and carries a four-hundred-dollar purse and can’t be bothered to move into the ’empty’ space in a busy train car at rush hour when people try to get by you, I hope a dirty, smelly man decides to push his way onto the train, anyways – right up against you.
Tales from the Transit Line
Report from the Evening Commute:
Commuter Chris Lemowski will soon be – it is very likely – the victim of identity theft, since he just announced to a crowded SkyTrain car his full name, phone number, birthday, PIN number and email address, while he loudly set up a payment arrangement for Feb. 1 on his cellphone.
“Sigh,” said a lady sitting two rows away from him.
Tales from the Transit Line 