Posts Tagged ‘Commuters’

Tales from the Transit Line

Final Edition from the Evening Commute:

There is a guy who gets shoes for next to nothing.

“He must be a good deal finder,” said one late night commuter.

“No, he’s just cheap,” said another.

Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Evening Commute:

This just in: The mystery of what those ‘weird’ noises were, coming from ‘her’ bathroom, has been solved.

“Oh, that was her fish tank wallpaper,” reported an anonymous source.

Tales from the Transit Line

Blessing from the Morning Commute:

May you never be on the front line of the transit platform after four full trains have passed by and the mass of impatient commuters that has since gathered behind you, starts to get pushy.

Nameste.

Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Evening Commute:

Gone are the days of boom-boxes, here are the days of rocking as hard as your smart phone will allow.

“Everyone on the SkyTrain is so lucky,” noted an urban adolescent commuter this evening, after his cell died.

Seconds before making this proclamation, he was dancing and singing along to Matisyahu’s Sunshine, which he blasted from the device.

Lamenting the loss, he sang a few versus a capella, spit – intentionally – on his own shoe, and then remarked to his friend that he had read on Wikipedia that Matisyahu was Jewish.

“Ya, ‘Matisyahu’ is Hebrew,” said his friend.

“Matisyahu’s Hebrew?” the first young man responded.

Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Evening Commute:

A study reveals that two out of two couples riding the SkyTrain like to use their commute for a little QT [quality time].

In addition, the study proves that when they snuggle up it provides more room for single commuters.

In related news, if she’s shopping on her BlackBerry while you’re trying to ‘make some room’ with her, she’s just not that into you.

Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Evening Commute:

All dance styles come from Africa or Mexico, according to a young commuter.

In related news, the dance connoisseur is currently listening to music that sounds like a duck quacking into an amplifier.

“Quack! Quack!” he demonstrated, emphatically.

Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Evening Commute:

The difference between a trim and a ‘fu*king chop’ is 2.5 inches, according to one commuter.

“What am I supposed to do with this?” Ben asked his hairdresser, who was travelling with him, his fist tangled in his locks.

“Well, you had such split ends . . . ,” his hairdresser responded. “What!? Why are you all puffy?”

In related news, “Botox makes you look like a freak on one of those YouTube videos.”

Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Evening Commute:

A study reveals that if a man proclaims loudly, on a busy SkyTrain, that he may still have “sperm” on his hands from the night before and then wonders out loud “what the strangers think of that” – he is an idiot.

That same study also reveals that if that same man then asks his traveling companion for a “smoochie smooch” – he is definitely an idiot.

Tales from the Transit Line

Eyewitness News from the Evening Commute:

A man gets on the bus at East Hastings and Main. He’s carrying a large black, lumpy garbage bag that clearly does not contain empty cans or bottles.

He is obviously in a hurry as he mutters “Don’t stop, don’t stop,” to the bus driver when he approaches yellow lights.

At one point, the man with the bag pulls out an orange spray bottle and sprays an odorless substance on his shoes.

His nails are black and appear as though he’s been digging in the dirt with his bare hands.

His head is shaven, but not cleanly.

He gets off the bus at Hastings and Cassiar, near the highway.

Tales from the Transit Line

Report from the Morning Commute:

Vancouver commuters are still reeling from the threat of a natural disaster today, after a 7.7 magnitude earthquake hit the West Coast off the Haida Gwaii islands on Saturday night.

“Do you think a tsunami could hit SFU [Simon Fraser University],” a young man asked his friend at a mountain-top university bus stop early Monday.

His friend shrugged.

“Well, there are bears here,” the first young man added.

In unrelated news, in case anyone missed this news flash 20 years ago, we are repeating it here, today, as a public service announcement: Wearing half a bottle of CK One is no longer fashionable.

On a related note, brushing your teeth is.